In case you missed it, Gwyneth Paltrow’s teenage daughter Apple Martin (who, by the way, is partial to the odd stint of public mum-roasting) took to TikTok this week to lend her narrating skills to her mum.
And the result is… absolutely hilarious? From dragging her mum’s aversion to carby breakfasts to mentions of that vagina candle, the whole ‘morning routine’ video is comic genius – especially the part where Goop hits the bathroom for her AM skincare routine. More on that later.
The first shot features Gwyn mixing together a powdered drink in a luxurious-looking lounge, over which Apple narrates:
“So first my mom drinks her Goop Glow Superpowder, and she eats nothing except for dates and almond butter. So she will have that. I suppose the Goop Glow is a part of her cleanse? Which she’s been on since… the day I was born… apparently.”
Next, Gwyneth heads to the bathroom and Apple summarises Gwyneth’s skincare regime as:
“Annnnd, it’s 8am and she’s been doing this since 7am. She just prances around the bathroom putting on her millions of Goop Glow products, for her glowing skin.”
The final shot is Gwyneth at her laptop, over which Apple can be heard saying:
“Yeah, then she gets to work making some more vagina eggs, and candles, also vagina candles, and vagina perfumes, and… just, everything vagina. And yeah, that’s my mom’s morning routine!”
It’s worth mentioning that the TikTok was posted to the official Goop page, so it’s fair to say that Gwyneth knows how to take a joke.
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Plus, a later TikTok showing Apple’s own speedy skincare routine reveals she too uses Goop skincare – just, perhaps maybe not for an entire hour every morning…
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